Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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