Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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