3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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