How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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