I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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