Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
how drunk are you?
Several
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
