just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
