Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
