how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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