I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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