Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
