i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
