I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
