Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
