well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
