We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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