Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
