Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
