I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
