You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
