I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We are all done wearing pants today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
