oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
