My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
