White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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