He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am available for nakedness
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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