I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
