how do flat chested girls get laid?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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