You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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