haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
