So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
