I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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