it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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