Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
