why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
