just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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