And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
