I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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