Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
