I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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