is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
