my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
