I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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