I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
