Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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