Welp...herpes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
