I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just found puke in my bra..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
