Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
