I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
