I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
