Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
