She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
