im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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