Porn is love you can see.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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