woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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