i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
