its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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